► twelfth sketch [Video]

[memorychains]

[The feed opens to the view of Olivine beach, held by its owner as she records the horizon and ocean for a while. It records silence for a few moments before the owner speaks up, sounding hesitant.]

... if you've done something wrong in the past that hurt a lot of people, and every one of them said that it was alright and that they didn't blame you...

... but... you still feel guilty over it...

... how do you go about forgiving yourself?

[There's more silence and then an audible sigh, before there's an elephant trumpet sound, and Namine giggles as a Phanpy clambers and obscures half the view of the camera.]

No, this isn't for playing. Come on.

[The feed cuts off.]

Comments

[ video ]

[uuing]

If everyone already forgave you for it, there's nothing wrong, right?

... Uu-, then everyone can just be happy together.

[ video ]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

I know but... even if I try to convince myself, I still find it hard that they really did forgive me.

[Video]

[wildcatidiot.livejournal.com]

I just do it again until they react the right way and instead of getting all hurt and stuff!

[Video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

... you mean... do the wrong thing again?

[Oh God what.]

action

[watersbound.livejournal.com]

[...as soon as she sees the video, she's heading down to the beach, towards her.]

action

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

[Aqua will spot her walking her Phanpy around the shore, bending down once in a while to pick up seashells.

The Phanpy spots Aqua first, tugging at Namine's hand with its nose. Namine blinks at that.]

Aqua?

[dnoteworthy.livejournal.com]

[he hasn't had this problem before, but... he'll just repeat a bit of advice he's heard from others, which he feels makes sense.] When you find it difficult to forgive yourself, the best thing to do is forget what happened yourself.

While it'll usually take quite some time, distract yourself. Do proactive things. Things that you like. Eventually, time will heal all wounds.

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

So... I should just wait until it goes away on its own?

[ video ]

[blazing-style.livejournal.com]

If you can't forgive yourself yet, then try to do something to make it up. Even if it was something bad enough that you can't really make up for it, trying to should make you feel better over time.

[ video ]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

Even if they feel so insignificant in comparison?

[Video]

[meatysoviet.livejournal.com]

[Oh hey, this is something he's pretty versed in.]

Get on with life and make sure those who were hurt were hurt for a reason. Is nothing more pathetic than an false statistic.

[He gives his reply rather plainly going back to rummaging in his backpack after a few moments. The channel is still open, he's just, doing other things while he waits to see if he gets a reply.]

[Video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

[She has to think of that for a while.]

What if the reason was complicated? It hurt others but was necessary to save someone. But in the end, it still caused a lot of damage?

[video]

[restardom.livejournal.com]

That's a tough one... do you think there's anything you can do for them now?

[video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

I've been trying, Rise. But the little things I do now feel so inadequate compared to how much damage I've done.

action

[her-mouse-jesty.livejournal.com]

[Once she sees this, she goes out to find her. At the beach, she slowly walks to her side.]

Hello, Namine.

action

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

[Minnie would catch her walking around with said Phanpy, checking her gear for responses and picking up shells. When Mam Minnie comes near, Namine offers a small smile.]

Hello, Minnie.

[The Phanpy circles the queen curiously, before retreating behind Namine's legs.]

[voice, private]

[usedgrassknot.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you shouldn't.

[voice, private]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

[... oh look, he still exists. She mentally berates herself for not locking this, taking a while to respond.]

Maybe you're right. But I want to move on.

[video]

[philanthrotaku.livejournal.com]

...I wish I knew.

[video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

You don't have to answer, sir. It was a little silly of me to ask it over the network, anyway.

[video]

[thebelsareinert]

... That's a tough one.

What happened?

[video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

It's alright. I wasn't expecting people to respond, actually.

Something in the past. I tried my best to fix it, but I suppose the guilt is still there.

video.

[miniworth]

... I think there's a different answer for everybody.

video.

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

It is, isn't it?

I want to find my own answer as well, but hearing people's opinions might help me find a way to start it, at least.

[Audio]

[dead-black-eyes.livejournal.com]

What did you do?

[Audio]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

I made a mistake that caused a chain of even worse events to follow.

[Video]

[silver-lucifer.livejournal.com]

[]

Take whatever you did then that you don't want to be, and work on becoming something else.

[Video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

... how would you become something else, if you were nothing... or rather, nobody to begin with? Do you think it's possible?

[This is a fairly philosophical little girl you got here, Kuja.]

[audio]

[madegrowth.livejournal.com]

You tell yourself to fix it. After that.....it makes it a bit easier to forgive yourself.

[Shiho has so much experience in this.]

[audio]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

What if... you can't fix it? That eventually, someone else will have to do it?

[seasalttwilight.livejournal.com]

[He's thinking about what he should say but the phanpy distracts him]

New pokemon?

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

[Distractions are good if it's Roxas.]

Mm. I tried... battling again. It was the first pokemon I fought out on the route near here, and I was able to catch it.

[The Phanpy bounds over to Roxas curiously.]

I spent the entire day with it and I think it's starting to like me.

( voice. )

[usedrapidspin.livejournal.com]

[ there's a long stretch of silence when the feed on Suzaku's end opens before he actually even says anything. heeee's thinking... and not coming up with anything, which makes him not want to respond at all, but then he realizes it's recording so he may as well be useless. ]

... I don't know.

( voice. )

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

It's okay if you don't have an answer. I didn't expect everyone to know too.

[video]

[checkingmyemail.livejournal.com]

Just tell them you're sorry. And if you still feel guilty, make it up to them in the future.

[video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

That's what everyone's been telling me. I guess it really might take a while.

[Video]

[freezetheskies.livejournal.com]

[He's given this kind of thing a bit of thought, really. Had nothing else to do, after all.]

...You have to come to terms with the idea that there's nothing you can do about it now and move on. No one can change the past.

[Video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

I kind of wish there was. It would make things so much easier.

[video]

[1-2-jango-zzzz.livejournal.com]

Get a new job and give your best at that instead.

[video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

Job?

[Video]

[usedfeint.livejournal.com]

...I have no idea. [Ritz is looking thoughtful.] But if they're you're friends, and they care about you, they wouldn't want you to be upset with yourself.

Maybe it's less about forgiveness, and more about learning from it. Figuring out what you did wrong, and why, and never letting yourself do it again.

[Video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

I promised myself I'd never do it again, so I'm alright with that. I think I'm just having trouble moving on from blaming myself so much.

[video]

[gochuugoku.livejournal.com]

[China sighs deeply.]

Sometimes you feel as though you can never forgive yourself, aru. No matter how hard you try. Your guilt becomes another burden for you to carry.

However, you do not have to carry that burden alone, aru.

[He cracks a smile at that last part.]

[video]

[cagedstar.livejournal.com]

I've already caused them enough pain. I don't want them worrying over someone like me.